Hello there! My name is KyleMapagmahal420 and i’m from the Taft Commonwealth. I used to hang by the bar and wipe the vomit off of my vertical striped polos. I’m the great grandson of a politician-who-can’t-be-named-because-i-was-twice-removed-for-mentioning-their-name, and I’ve been meaning to make a hedonistic online tutorial in picking up your date on the murky corners of the internet. NOW DON’T SCROLL AND LEAVE YET! HEAR ME OUT! I have an official Pick Up™ license! Believe me yet? No… well…yeah since now i have proven my legitimacy in this profession, here are the steps on How To Win Over The Girl You Just Met on Bumble and Your Blockmates in The University You’re Studying In: ● Send your date lots of flower emojis — wilted flower emojis to be exact. Like lots of it. Don’t overdo it, but for emphasis, make it like an even number of flowers. Remember when you had a finger sprain from tapping the flower emoji so hard? There’s a shortcut on for that on your keyboard dummy. ● Try to tag your current fling in Damn Shawty Ok memes and dedicate a song for her in the LOCAL YouTube channel and see if she isn’t creeped out by it. ● Convince your bandmates that you can’t fail another relationship. Intentionally fail your own band. Pinky swear that you’ll use the “it’s not you, it’s me” card in one of your songs ● The environment I grew up in consists of impulsive IG stories (that arent set as “Close Friends” by the way) and my projected passive-aggression in my private Twitter. So you better make sure that there’s a banal narrative backing up your nth heartbreak. ● 𝖂𝖗𝖎𝖙𝖊 𝖆𝖇𝖔𝖚𝖙 𝖆 𝖉𝖎𝖆𝖗𝖞 𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖗𝖞 𝖋𝖎𝖗𝖘𝖙 𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖓 𝖙𝖚𝖗𝖓 𝖎𝖙 𝖎𝖓𝖙𝖔 𝖆𝖓 𝖆𝖑𝖇𝖚𝖒 𝖙𝖎𝖙𝖑𝖊. 𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝖙𝖎𝖙𝖑𝖊 𝖘𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖉𝖘 𝖘𝖊𝖓𝖘𝖚𝖆𝖑 𝖇𝖚𝖙 𝖎𝖙 𝖈𝖔𝖒𝖕𝖑𝖎𝖒𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖘 𝖒𝖞 𝖎𝖓𝖘𝖊𝖈𝖚𝖗𝖎𝖙𝖞.✞ ● Start a record label with friends. The start up money should be coming from your MLM earnings. Do the unfollow-no follow back method on Facebook and Instgram. Bonus points for not complaining when your labelmates don’t want to follow the label back. ● Don’t allow yourself to get proper voice lessons even if your chosen genre is Because-esque r&b. It’s the unwritten rule for a lot of Manila-based singer-songwriters dabbling in a bit of soft-rock adjacent soul and trap music. The date does love a lot of needless, if not meaningless, 𝑜𝒷𝓈𝒸𝓊𝓇𝑒 tagalog words (eg. nararahuyo, irog or something Matthaois would appropriate probably) ● Title a song that sketches the hell out of your date (eg. E.U.T). ● Title a song that sketches the hell out of your date (eg. E.U.T) (2) Follow all the steps to create a half-baked album about a girl you just met online and the friends you’re going to make in a bar I frequent in the commonwealth. Always take note though: there’s a place for you to become macho and fragile in the scene today but don’t expect people to like you back right after releasing your long tedious full length debut. Once you’re all done, boom, congratulations you’ve just made a Himig Borhuh album. Support the art & the artist: N/A